After Getting Tired of Quail and Manna, Israelites ask God for Chick-Fil-A Gift Cards

Maribah
~1700 BC

A lost chapter in the second Pentateuch of Moses seems to state that the ever whiny Israelites asked God for Chick-fil-a gift cards after being tired of Manna and Quail. Moses pleaded with the people stating, “Come on guys, God is feeding you quail, that's literally gourmet food–and Manna is cool too, it's like old covenant Frosted Flakes! Besides, there aren’t any Chick-fil-a’s out in this wilderness, only Dollar Generals!” Nevertheless the Israelites continued to plead for free peach milkshake gift cards.

At publishing times, manuscripts have confirmed that Caleb and Joshua were actually Chick-fil-A employees.